Tuesday, March 1, 2011 '
11:15 PM YI know, as someone related to you, im suppose to feel joy at your apparent success.
But i dont.
Does that make me a bad person?
Ever since young, we have always been compared to one another.
Be it looks, studies, height, weight etc.
I really truly hated all those comparisons.
I do not give a damn if are prettier / smarter / more hardworking / skinnier than me.
Does that make me a bad person?
Finally i had the chance to outshine you for that short period of time.
Best part of it was, no one else (of apparent importance) exactly noticed or bothered.
For that one time in my life i had something to be proud of, everyone conveniently ignored it.
Now that you have found your crowning success, i bet you the next time we meet, there will be lots of boasting and sneering all over again.
You are generally nice to me and we use to be great playmates as children, yet i think that i sort of hate you.
Does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes, i wish we were not related.
I tell everyone that it doesnt matter and that i am not affected.
But everytime you add another success story to your life, i hear another voice telling me that you are way better than i am.
I resent you for everything you achieve.
Does that make me a bad person?
Sunday, August 15, 2010 '
6:55 PM Y
YOG!!!
Im mad excited about tomorrow!
Finally it is the start of my YOG duties @ Hortpark!!
The first shift started today and i sure hope everything went well.
Now its going to be MY TURN!!
On top of my duties as a FACILITATOR, i have additional duties of being the BUS HOST / OIC!!
Bus Host = MEMORISE SCRIPT so that i dont end up with nothing to say in front of the athletes tomorrow.
Keep fingers crossed that the athletes dont end up asking me questions about Singapore that i cannot answer!!
Such an embarrassment that way.
Urgh.
Now im feeling nervous as well.
I sure hope i dont mess things up!
Friday, August 13, 2010 '
7:15 PM Y3 MORE DAYS TO THE START OF MY YOG DUTIES!!
Have i even mentioned how much im looking forward to it?
Its going to be such a blast, i just know it =)
xxx meishan
Wednesday, August 4, 2010 '
12:52 PM Y
Recently, i have been busy with training sessions for the upcoming YOG.
Training sessions have been tough but extremely fun and enriching.
I can hardly wait for the actual dates to arrive =)
I love to procrastinate.
But its no use trying to postpone thinking about school since the new semester is starting next week.
So I am now going to start my second year in University.
I anticipate that there will be too many things to do, but too little time for me to complete them once.
Year 2, Semester 1
I definitely want my grades to become better but with this, i know more hard work is needed from me.
Even though it seems like the students in Chem Engine are superbly smart and insanely hardworking, im not going to give up.
Who is afraid of more hard work?
Not me.
Ive been recently thinking about all the time that has gone by.
Have i made the correct choices along the way?
Should i have chosen this path instead of the other?
Would i have been better of if i decided to follow this direction instead of the other?
Does it even matter right now?
It matters to a certain point, but i will not let it affect the future.
My studies is what matters the most right now.
That, on top of taking care of my parents and watching over my sisters, will take first priority over everything else.
I will be successful in the coming years because i believe i can do it =)
xxx meishan
Sunday, March 7, 2010 '
9:23 PM YFinally got to have another LAN REN gathering yesterday.
It was the perfect timing, seeing how YY dajie's birthday is today, GIS dadajie's birthday was last month and AH HWEE dadada jie's birthday was in January.
HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAYS TO ALL 3 OF MY JIE JIEs!!
I know its too late to even mention now but hey!
Its not like i didnt wish them on the day itself =)
Just thought it was worth mentioning here now as well.
Before the fateful day (yesterday), AK and i met up to go BIRTHDAY SHOPPING!
Had loads of fun deciding what to buy for each one of them as we wanted every gift in the 'birthday bag' to be personalized in a way.
This was done by purchasing items that reminded the 2 of us about that particular birthday girl.
Seems to be a ritual for a LAN REN gathering to include singing K.
Teo Heng at Katong seems to be the number one choice for them since i let them do all the planning and we always end up there.
No complains though.
The place can be a little cramp but for the low price, i think its totally worth your money.
Seems like im really getting out of touch with mandarin songs.
Used to be abreast of all the latest mandarin songs when i was in TPJC for that one year because the LAN RENs will keep me updated and posted.
But ever since i went to Shanghai, English songs are what fills my itunes and so, it is no wonder that i feel pretty lost when we first started out.
My jie jies quickly noticed rather quickly that i was unable to join in the singing and so, they started choosing the 'older songs' (meaning those that were released in 2007 or so) so that i can actually take part in the singing.
It wasnt really a problem though..
To me, i was contented enough just being able to spend time with them and listen to AH HWEE jie and YY jie squabble.
Reminds me of the old days where the highlight of the school day would be spending time with the rest of the LAN RENs and having the time of our lives.
Had a scrumptious STEAMBOAT dinner and was so full and bloated after that that i couldnt even bear the thought of food itself.
Dinner was a pleasant affair with lots of chatting and laughter.
Love the stories that they shared with me with regards to their working experience =)
I know that its pretty dumb for me to even think about such things but i cannot help feeling that there is some sort of barrier between YOU, YOU and me.
True, you guys still regard me as part of the group and call me out for gatherings and stuff but did you all ever realise how LITTLE you actually speak to me in the process?? I might be way sensitive of this because its what im the most afraid of.. growing apart from one another.. but then i realise that its just happening with me. The rest of you are still as chummy as i remember you guys to be. Seems like that 1 year in JC2 that i missed DID put a strain on our friendship. Nothing too serious but bad enough for me to feel the hurt at times. I really really do miss the times where we use to be able to talk about everything under the sun and now, all it seems like you all dont really want to talk to me? Or it might just be because out of the 5 of us, YOU and YOU were the ones who were the least close to me since we were not given much chances to be alone together. Not to mention the extra bond that you all formed after the A levels where you all went to work in pairs.
I am not surprised at the outcome.
Just wished that it could be different somehow.
Thank you all for the great times.
I wish i could tell you guys how i really feel but im afraid that will do more harm than good.
No point thinking over unhappy stuff.
I shall just focus on the joy the outing brings me, not the doubts.
Every good thing has to come to an end and so,
as what AH HWEE dadada jie said
'See you all when i see you again'
Till then.
Take care LAN REN men =)
PS. ALL THE BEST FOR THE UNI APPLICATIONS!!
Let me know the results when you all get them =)
xxx meishan
Tuesday, January 26, 2010 '
12:03 AM Y
I have been having dreams about my friends from Dulwich College Shanghai (DCS) recently.
Wonder what triggered off this series of dreams.
They are not consecutive of course, more like random shots and plots all over the place.
Probably starting to miss the people there already.
The feeling is especially prominent when i speak to Bongo or MK and we reminisce the times we spent together.
The 'expensive' lunches we use to have at Coffee Beanary, East West, Secret Recipe or Starbucks weekly.
The 'productive' free periods we use to enjoy in the Common Room or on the Second Floor of the library specially reserved for the IB students.
Not forgetting the teachers-turned-friends who made lessons so enjoyable and manageable that sitting in lessons became a joy and not a chore.
Funny how i am suddenly reminded of all of these.
Amazingly, i find myself missing every single thing.
Those were hard times.
Sleeping at 2am and waking up at 7am daily.
Yet, the lack-of-sleep did not deter us from enjoying school and having crazy moments.Giving each other words of encouragement and congratulations when we realise that another day in school has passed and we successfully struggled through another day.
Loads of Internal Assessments piled up and we fought to keep up with the deadlines.
Test after test after test came along to plague our lives.
And yet, we managed to pull through everything.
Now that everything has ended and i can safely say that that 'era' of my life is truly done with, i find myself missing it.
Why is it that the hard work does not seem that murderous anymore?
If i could turn back time or make time stay still, i cannot promise that i will choose to relive those 2 years of IB 'hell'.
But i will keep all the memories we have created during that period of time and look back with utmost fondness.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010 '
10:31 AM Y
Why does things you dont want to happen still happen eventually?
Why is it that people are never what you think they are?
Why the people you care about do not follow what you want them to do?
Why is it that there are days you wake up feeling so blue and days you are just unexpectedly joyful?
It all comes down to the lessons in Life.
Always expect the unexpected.
I hope i will be better prepared the next time round.
xxx meishan
